-if you are my son: please run in the bathroom unroll all the toilet paper, then run in your room open all your drawers and throw all your clothes out and string them all over the house.
-if you are my daughter: please throw a fit about what shoes match what outfit, and constantly talk about the diamond castle.
-if you are my husband: please ask me five times where your tools are even though i already told you five times i have not touched them.
-if you are my landlord: please unexpectedly show up to make random repairs around the house
-if you are my doctor: please have the monitor off completely freak me out when you can't find the heartbeat and then realize you haven't yet turned it on.
-if you are my neighbor: please own 5 annoying yapping dogs and a cat named George who runs in people houses and pisses all over
-if you are my skin: please break out during pregnancy
